Act of letting go

Still, I’m ruminating on the past, and sometimes I come to the realization that I haven’t truly moved on; instead, I just move forward with the memories of the past and get nostalgic. Physically, I’m tied to my home country, but my mind often goes back to the past three years, and it feels like I didn’t leave Hungary at all. How can I enjoy my present even though I can’t fully be in this moment? I can’t come in terms of my desire having been shattered, and I’ll never meet the people whom I hold dear in my thoughts again in this life. They’re beyond my grasp, and I find myself in a situation where considerations for modernization seem to be the last priority and people are unwilling to embrace innovation. Even being employed, I don’t feel like I’m making enough money to cover at least my costs because of my three divided monthly salaries, so I’m not completely independent financially. But I’ve got a place to live where I don’t need to worry about each month’s rental fee and work relentlessly to make ends meet. I wasn’t doing decent jobs in Hungary at all, so there’s no reason to think back on and long for those times. I should try to be grateful and practice mindfulness.

Words by the singer Greg González who sings relationships with a sense of nostalgia, while also acknowledging the pain that goes along with them.

Even though, at this moment, I’m not working in a field, I’m always wanted, but my desire to make change through writing will still be with me. I hope each and every endeavor I take will bring me closer to my inner calling of being a journalist, writer, and translator. From now on, I’ll be thankful for what I’ve got at this very moment. I need to remind myself to always remember my goal and stay steadfast; it will manifest. I can find a way to reach my goals along the way. Isn’t it when one door closes and another one opens? I should be patient and be grateful. In five years, I’ll be doing the job that I’m passionate about and enjoy. The most important thing is that I’m growing, learning, and prospering. I just need to let it out of my mind when some things are out of my hands. Being healthy is all that matters, and thankfully, the people I love are in good health, except they do have some health concerns. Everything shall pass, and all this is temporary.

I’d start to appreciate the little things, like Anne Frank who wrote it in her diary: “I’ve found that there is always some beauty left — in nature, sunshine, freedom in yourself.” This is so accurate. I’d remember that life moves so quickly that there’s hardly time to breathe and enjoy it.