My sweetest Peach

Your father and I decided to refer to you by your ‘fruit size,’ looking into each week’s fetal development as a guide. Now, you’re as big as a peach! I believe that regardless of your mother’s emotional conditions and distress during the pregnancy, you will grow up as a person who brightens people’s spirits with your deeds and delightful personality. You’ll be a cheerful, smart and easygoing child. I try to stay calm and maintain a sense of peace through meditation and prayer. I pray for your smooth delivery and wish for you to grow into a brilliant child even while inside the womb.

I also wish only the best for your father. Right now, things are quite complicated, and I don’t know the full extent of his pain or how much he’s suffering due to our misalignment and the lack of appreciation and effort to understand and support one another. However, I still hope that he will come to realize and understand why we ended up in this situation, and I blocked his contacts for 20 days. I haven’t reached out to your father since our last phone conversation twenty days ago. We didn’t even have a violent fight or argument in person; we just hurt each other with words from a distance in the late night hours. When our loved ones lash out in frustration or pain, it’s easy to get caught up in their hurtful words. But, I believe our hearts and actions speak louder than our words. I’ve been waiting for him to come and talk with me in person to express his intentions and see if he still holds me in his heart. I don’t want the temporary misunderstanding, frustration, and disappointment to break the bond, which can be permanent and fulfilling if both of us strive to thrive and keep the relationship.

I want to choose understanding and forgiveness, because in the end, our loved ones are what truly matter. I want you to grow up in a loving family with both of your biological parents. Your father still holds a special place in my heart and mind. I miss him, and I hope your father also feels the same. I also hurt your dad’s feelings and said things or displayed behaviors that broke his spirits and endeavors. We haven’t even tried to build our lives together, and ending while not even trying to begin is a big mistake. He can be a good father and husband regardless of the shortcomings. Neither of us are perfect creatures. I hope your father will understand the loving tendencies like verbal affirmation and encouragement while either of us feeling down are really crucial for the romantic relationship. Some moments all I needed were just his affirming words, like “We can go through this time together; we’ll figure this out. I support you to get another source of income; you can take over the Facebook page by preparing engaging advertising posts while you’re in a homestay.” I’m not disabled in any way although I need to restrain my movements; I can be handy in his pursuit of earning the living, and I want to be involved and contribute not only cleaning and cooking.

I was disappointed in my condition of staying at home, a bed-resting pregnant woman while I was in the first trimester who doesn’t have her own income, and I felt myself causing burden even to your father. Even though I conceived you when we were unprepared and unplanned, you are not an unwanted child. I’m not only wanting to carry the child from your father; I’ve visioned to spend my life with your dad, building a family, traveling through many countries, and furthering our education.

At this very moment, I’ve got someone whom I’ll love and be loved unconditionally until the rest of my life; it’s you, my sweetest peach. I’m truly thankful for your dad and the universe giving me the precious gift and honor of being a mother of a wonderful child. You’re blessed by the universe and your ancestors. You’ll grow to be a talented and extraordinary person, shining brightly in both of your lineages. As you sing heavenly, you can masterfully play any music score on the grand piano. You’re multilingual and talented, excelling not only in the arts but also in sports. Unlike your mother, you can swim, practice several sports, and be adept at dancing. You’re a child who makes me wonder how I could have such a brilliant yet humble little one — affectionate, empathetic, and caring. With all my heart, I love you while you’re inside me, my dear. Come to this world when you reach full term, my child. I know you’ll arrive easily, with just a few short contractions and pushes, just as you have while growing inside me.