Pink and Blue

Recently, I celebrated and embraced my 25th year with contentment. Despite feeling jaded, I’m grateful for the person I’m today. At least, I’ve fully surpassed the age at which my mom gave birth to me and my twin. I started my ballet course this week. I hope my job will allow me to stay persistent and skip fewer classes. After three months of consistent practice, I believe I’ll regain my previous figure.

I often worry about what could go wrong rather than reflecting on past experiences to understand where I may have failed and what lessons I can learn from them.

Time indeed slips away in the blink of an eye; I often wish it would slow down. It feels surreal to realize that almost 8 months have flown by since I returned from Hungary. Surprisingly, my mental well-being isn’t suffering as much as I had feared. If it were in a worse state, I might be losing weight rather than gaining it. Perhaps it’s because he’s not here and I’m not having frequent confrontations with him, which might be the reason I’m stable. I was concerned about how I should behave if I were to encounter him again after experiencing the revelation of repressed memories and emotions. Thankfully, he has relocated to a different continent with his family before my arrival, and I hope that I won’t encounter him for as long as possible. But I can’t avoid encountering him for the rest of my life, so it would be better to confront and deal with this darkness in a healthy manner.

I understood the importance of learning to open up to the man who trusts and cares for me. It’s a crucial step towards building a strong and supportive relationship. I need to put effort into communication and help the man understand me. In the years to come, I hope to experience fewer heartbreaks and avoid causing heartache to others. If another man enters my life and captivates my heart, I’m not afraid to love him, even though love brings pain. Perhaps this time I’ll find someone who embraces me for who I am and encourages us both to grow and bring out the best in us. Soon, I’ll find someone with whom I can share life’s highs and lows.

Perhaps I’ve crossed paths with him, yet he lingers beyond my reach. Entangling an unreachable soul means we’ll never sculpt a shared life or grow old together. In his world, I’d dwell in a secondary role, trapped in his double and secret life. But if our paths cross again, can I restrain my heart and desire?